Pregnancy is a challenging time in a woman’s life. It pushes a woman’s body to her limits, testing her strength and soul in a way that seemed impossible before embarking on the journey. And while some women may bask in the glow and their growing belly throughout pregnancy, I am not one of them.
Pregnancy sucks. Yes, I said it. I miss my body, my activities and movement, the freedom to have a glass of wine or soft cheese or soak in a hot tub. I long for the days when my body doesn’t ache anymore, or when I can roll over or stand up without a lot of groaning.
As an active individual, I need to move my body every day to stay sane. I’m used to mountain biking, trail running, and hiking in the summer, skiing powder days and skinning up mountains in the winter. Lifting weights and yoga round out my workout routines. My first pregnancy in 2020, I felt great (at least physically) and stayed active throughout.
My second pregnancy was different. At 20 weeks, I had to scale my activities back. After trying everything from physical therapy to acupuncture, the chiropractor, and prenatal massage, I had to give in. There was nothing I could do. Baby (I think) was sitting on a nerve, causing excruciating pain down and around my right back, leg, and pelvis. I resorted to walking, although some days even a mile was a challenge. It was disheartening. Mentally, the days could be tough.
And yet, the end will come someday, too quickly, while another tough journey begins. Until that day, I am trying to practice patience through pregnancy. It’s the only way to stay sane as I count down the weeks. Because I know they will tick by slowly and altogether too fast.
Here are five lessons I’ve learned along the way.
Don’t play the comparison game
Let go of expectations. Stop comparing yourself to others, or even to yourself. If your doctor says you’re healthy, it’s unhealthy to compare your weight gain, how you look, or what you can or can’t do to anyone else, other than yourself in this moment.
Pregnancy looks different on everyone. There are so many factors out of your control, which is why it’s useless to compare your journey to anyone else’s. All you can do is embrace where you are and make the best decisions for your body and your baby.
In my first pregnancy, I ran several days a week until 35 weeks. I spent the days hiking miles to high peaks and alpine lakes. But the pain the second time around overtook my ability to do anything. I tried everything to manage the pain, but nothing worked. The position of the baby couldn’t be changed. At some point, I gave in.
Every journey is different. An active and pain free first pregnancy was the opposite of what I was experiencing in my second one. I would cry from frustration (and probably hormones), as I limped when I stood up or tried to take a few steps. It was time to embrace the slow pace and let go of the things I couldn’t control. Which bring me to my next lesson…
If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl. But just move.
My first pregnancy was filled with movement. The second one was filled with pain. Standing, walking, and sitting all sent sharp pain throughout the right side of my body. It could took several minutes to be able to take a few steps.
My mental health balanced on being outside, so I forced myself to do whatever I could. I resorted to walking, aiming for 2-3 miles a day, but sometimes making it through just one, slow, flat, easy mile was a push. Do what you can. For me, walking/hiking was the only thing I could do that felt good. For you, it might be biking, yoga, paddling, or any other number of low impact activities.
I kept lifting weights but focused on lighter weight for my upper body only. It was important to maintain some muscle mass without causing more pain in my lower half. Trading in a heavy bar, I focused on using dumbbells for arm variations. I talked to my coach at the gym about safe modifications such as using a bench for a bent over row and raised push-ups, seated overhead presses, incline chest press, etc.
Staying active throughout pregnancy is important because it helps manage weight gain, reduces the risk of gestational diabetes, reduces the risk of high blood pressure, lifts your mood, eases constipation, and makes labor and delivery easier.
Find ways to move throughout your pregnancy, however that looks. Don’t worry about how fast or slow your pace is or what you plan to accomplish that day. Because it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.
Focus on what you can do
It’s easy to get caught up in all the things you can’t do during pregnancy. And when I do, it brings me down to a negative space where I don’t want to do anything. Practicing patience throughout your pregnancy means refocusing your attention. I can’t run, but I can walk. Heavy weights are uncomfortable, but there are exercises I can still safely accomplish. I can’t travel far, but I can explore new destinations close by. My girlfriend and I embarked on a trip through some of Utah’s National Parks when I was 6 months pregnant. A change of scenery is exactly what I needed to revive my spirit and my soul. Read about our hike through the Narrows in Zion National Park.
Shift your thinking from the negative to the now. As your body changes throughout pregnancy, your activities will ebb and flow as well. Focus on what you can do in the moment, without comparing what you did a week ago.
Find joy in the little things
A great way to take your mind off those tough days is to find little things that bring you joy. Like cookies. I treat myself when I need it (like, all the time), from a fresh-pressed juice to a pastry from my favorite bakery. Schedule time while you have it, from catching up with a friend over tea or a relaxing prenatal massage. Go ahead, indulge. You deserve it.
It’s only temporary
This too, will pass. The weeks seem to be a slow slog yet fly by. This stage will end and another one begins. It will be hard, challenging, and overwhelming in a different way. Each stage will pass. Yes, the sleepless nights, the crying, the discomfort. You will rise to the occasion and get through it because you are a warrior mama.
Motherhood takes us to our limits and pushes right past them. You are more resilient than you realize. You will change and evolve in ways you can’t imagine. As a new mama, you might find that lose yourself only to discover a new and better self. It may take some time to feel comfortable in your new skin, but eventually you will reestablish your identity and your routines. You are still in there mama, a stronger person is waiting to emerge.
You got this.
