Out of the newborn fog I wake, life has shifted. Somehow, I’m moving through and surviving the postpartum months.
This time, I’m not trying motherhood on for the first time. There is a familiarness to the cries and comforting a second baby. Less anxiety, more juggling with a toddler in the mix. Some moments feel like I have it all together, a seamless balancing act as a new family of 4. Other times, I look around at the toys and cars my two-year-old has strewn through the house, the socks and coffee cups my husband leaves where he set them, and the burp rags and bouncers for a baby and wonder how I will keep my sh*t together. Surrounded by clutter, enveloped by loneliness, the only thing that keeps me going is the overwhelming surge of love when I hold all my boys together.
Postpartum blues hit me hard. I gave birth in January, the height of winter in Colorado and the middle of an epic ski season. Stuck inside with a newborn was a struggle as everyone, it seemed, was out skiing. Alone in the house, I felt isolated, bored, and unsupported. I needed to rest and recover, but all I wanted was my freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted. Instead, I was tied to the house and a tiny human who needed me. Those early days are hard, no matter how you process the experience.
Eventually, it gets better. You will survive the postpartum months.
Hormonal Shifts
Most mothers will experience some postpartum depression. It hits us all in different ways. In giving birth, your body has gone through a huge transformation. Hormones and emotions are out of balance. Don’t worry, this is normal, even though it feels like anything but.
After delivering the placenta, hormones shift dramatically now that they are not needed to grow and support a child in the womb. As a mother’s milk comes in, estrogen and progesterone levels plummet to expedite producing milk. For months thereafter, your body is recalibrating to normal hormonal levels as the uterus shrinks and returns to its pre-pregnancy size. New mothers may wake up in a sweat in the night, which is the body’s way of flushing unnecessary hormones from the body.
Be patient with your body and your new baby as you navigate the fourth trimester. You are both adjusting to a new life as individuals and finding your way in the world. Here are a few tips to survive the postpartum months.
Ask for Help
Before welcoming your new little one into the world, set yourself up for success. Don’t be afraid to ask for help in areas of your life where you need it. Be specific with your requests and what you need to feel the most supported
Talk to your partner about dividing household responsibilities. You will need to focus on caring for yourself and your baby, which means there will be a lot more on your partner’s plate.
If you have another child at home, coordinate with friends and/or family to help watch them or drive them to school. Ask other pet-friendly families to grab your dog when they head out for a walk. Sometimes the smallest of tasks can take the biggest load off your plate.
Personally, I can’t handle a messy house. My husband loves to cook but does not clean. I knew that I wouldn’t have the energy to continue to clean up after everyone while taking care of a newborn and myself, so I prioritized having a clean house and ready-made food. I asked for outside help in cleaning my house a few times a month. This makes a world of difference, especially when you’re home all day.
Additionally, I had a friend set up a Meal Train so friends could bring food for us, and I didn’t have to worry about cleaning up the kitchen every night. While we were initially opposed to asking for help in having friends bring us food, it also provided an opportunity to connect with people. Some stayed for dinner while others just dropped off something to eat and said hello. We were grateful for not only the food, but also for the company.
Stock Your Freezer
In addition to the meal train, I stocked our freezer with food before the new baby arrived. In the weeks leading up to birth, we would make double meals and put an additional portion away in the freezer, so we had food on hand. Not everything freezes well, but we had plenty of soups and curries put away. When I made banana bread, I would eat half and froze the other half to pull out for sweet snacks in the postpartum months.
Meal delivery services, such as Daily Harvest, offer healthy frozen meals. I tried this out for the first time and enjoyed the individual servings to easily pull out and defrost for lunch. Lunch is when I am usually on my own and I needed something quick and healthy that I could cook in minutes.
Nourish Yourself
Take care of yourself in the early days. Your body performed a Herculean feat of growing and birthing a baby. Creating life is truly a miracle. Continuing to sustain it is another. Be gentle and kind with yourself as you heal and care for another human.
Fill your body with nourishing foods, your favorite snacks, or a warm cup of tea. Relax on the bed and nap without regret. Pull out a book or watch your favorite show while breastfeeding. Soak in these slow moments and newborn snuggles because they won’t last forever.
Restore Your Pelvic Floor
Pregnancy takes a toll on your body. After my first pregnancy, I realized while mountain biking that my body felt different on the downhills, but I couldn’t pinpoint what was different. Not only was my stability gone, but my confidence was too. My core hadn’t properly healed after the first pregnancy.
A strong pelvic floor is the key to your core strength.
I found a pelvic floor physical therapist during my second pregnancy after experiencing pain in my lower back. Through these sessions, I learned about how they work with women to restore their pelvic floor postpartum. I wanted a stronger recovery this time around and worked with a physical therapist at two weeks postpartum. She guided me with gentle exercises to restore my core, starting with deep inner work to shorten the fibers lengthened as my belly grew over 9 months. Throughout the weeks, I slowly progressed and was able to safely strengthen my core.
After giving birth, many women are embarrassed to discuss their health issues *down there* and ignore it. If you are experiencing pain, discomfort, leaking, incontinence, etc, ask your doctor for a referral to a pelvic floor specialist. You are not alone, don’t be afraid to speak up.
Find Support Groups
Surviving the postpartum months isn’t a journey to be traveled alone. Surround yourself with others and find your village and support group. This not only provides meaningful connection with others but can also be a great resource. From advice to hand-me-downs to an open ear, connecting with other moms will help you feel supported and seen.
Check with your local hospital or Facebook groups for Mommy & Me groups and classes. Ask other mom friends for groups that helped them survive the postpartum months.
Move Outside
Getting outside is good for the soul. And your baby will love it too. The gentle motion of moving puts them to sleep. So, whether you head out for a stroller walk or strap them to your chest, you will find that not only will your baby sleep, but you will feel much better with some movement and fresh air.
As soon as I could walk after both of my pregnancies, I did. Mentally, it was what I needed most. Walks started slow and short at first. Eventually, I became stronger and progressed with further distances, but I had to honor the recovery process. Listen to your body as you move and do what feels good. Start small.
If you experience heavier bleeding after a walk, that’s a sign to back off. Within the first two weeks postpartum, walks should be short if anything. Between weeks two to four, you can slowly increase your time and distance, but continue to be gentle on your body as you heal. Talking to a pelvic floor specialist can help guide you to the right activity level for your body.
Initially getting outside can feel daunting, especially in the winter. If you’re looking for tips on getting outside when the temps drop, check out my article.
Everyone’s body and birth experience are different. Don’t compare yourself to someone else’s healing process. Honor what is best for your body. Sometimes rest is the best road to recovery. For me, I needed to get outside, even for a short stint of time.
Accept the Changes in Postpartum
There are so many changes that happen postpartum. From hormones shifting to your body recovering, new schedules and new life, there is a lot to accept. Be patient. Your hormones won’t return to normal levels overnight. Your body won’t magically shrink to its original state in a few weeks. Your routine won’t be established immediately. But it all will settle into a new normal.
Nothing feels great about postpartum, other than having a little baby who wants only you. My body didn’t feel like my own, my boobs were leaking milk, I’m not comfortable again in my normal clothes, I never had a sound night’s sleep. I felt frumpy in sweats every day and oversized nightgowns at night since I was constantly getting out of bed. So, I treated myself to something that made me feel a little more normal in this transitional stage: new, beautiful (nursing friendly) pajamas. It’s a small gesture, yes, but putting on a button-down pajama I felt good in was one small step in reclaiming who I am.
It’s a beautiful mess, our new family unit. We’re still all figuring it out, but I know one thing – when we’re all snuggled together, it feels complete. Like this was all meant to be.